In some circles, that’s a common phrase. But it’s usually a rare reality. On the surface, many of us answer “I’m great! How are you?” If we’re with a trusted friend, though, most of us will admit we struggle. We are a mix of desires, fears, injustices, joys, sadnesses, and more.

Having a few friends who are willing and able to share the bottom of their hearts or hear ours without avoiding, attacking, or trying to “fix” our struggles is powerful. After all, struggling can be a good thing. In fact, “Israel” means “he who wrestles with God”. If that seems odd, consider similar sayings today: “no pain, no gain”, “the hotter the fire, the stronger the steel”, and “pressure makes diamonds”. Yes, only a sadist invites pain into their life, but wise people invite trusted friends to help them navigate their pain. There we experience and express unusual openness, truth, and care for deep healing and lasting change.

It is high-risk for high-reward, and it’s definitely not for every relationship. But we absolutely need it, starting with God Himself. Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” I used to think that meant all brothers naturally fight. By God’s grace, I’ve come to understand its true meaning: true brothers (and sisters) supernaturally fight to hear and help each other at the very bottom of our hearts. For that is God’s heart.