Christian Marriage 303: Communications

Communications. As a counselor, I’ve heard spouses name many concerns as “the” problem in their marriage, but communications is almost always an underlying issue: one won’t open up or the other has no filter; when they talk it’s either superficial or problem-oriented; they can’t agree on how to resolve problems without verbally attacking or withdrawing, etc.  I know there are other concerns, too.
Regardless, real hope for our communications is found in the Triune God.  Consider a few basics.

First, we can know God cares about our communications because He is a communicator at heart.  The Father speaks of His love for His Son and His good will for Him (Psalm 2, John 3:35, etc.); the Son tells His Father of His joy in Him and listens to fulfill His will (John 6:32-44 and 17:1ff); and the Person of the Holy Spirit is the essence of truth, life, and joy whom the Father gives to His Son to communicate (experientially bestow) the full extent of His love. (Isaiah 42:1ff, Matthew 3:16-17, etc.)

Second, we understand that one of God’s primary purposes is our communications because He created us to talk to Him and each other. He could’ve chosen not to create anything since He already had perfect relationships as the Trinity. But He created Adam in His image (part of which is a communicator) and told him how to live forever in joy with His Creator (Genesis 2:15-17). Only after that did He created Eve (Genesis 2:18ff), so Adam was to communicate (teach and model) God’s good will to his wife, and all parents onward were to do this for their children (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

Third, we can rest in God’s work to bless our communications through Jesus and His Holy Spirit.  Since God is pure and just (fair), He will not listen to anyone who is selfish, doubts Him, neglects to love others, etc. (Habakkuk 1:13, Psalm 24:3-4, Matthew 5:8, etc.). That leaves us hopeless to hear from God or to talk to God . . . unless someone who is pure mediates for us and pays the price for us.  That is what Jesus did on the cross for those who trust in His work instead of their own. (Ephesians 2:11-13)  Still, although Jesus’ payment communicates to God that formerly guilty people are now eternally innocent, it does not change any person’s heart to want to commune with God.  In human courts, people are often forgiven only to return to their same old ways.  That is why God seals His love to people by sending His Holy Spirit to live in them re-creating a new heart (John 3:3-8, Romans 7:6, 2 Corinthians 3:3-6, Galatians 5:16-17, etc.) to delight in God as their Father (Romans 8:15).

Fourth, by following Christ in faith, we can continue to grow in our communications. Just as the Father communicated His love by sending “the Word” (John 1:1-14, Revelation 19:13) in physical form to reveal God to people in the first century, the Holy Spirit inspired the written form of His Word, the Scriptures (2 Timothy 3:16-17, 2 Peter 1:16-21), to communicate the specifics of God’s love for His people until Christ returns. Now consider some more practical implications in this week’s video.


You can see other articles and the embedded videos in this series here.

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If you’d like to know more about who publishes the articles, videos, and other materials on tools4trenches, you can click on the picture of me and my wife.


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